In the past few years, I’ve trained my brain to see the silver lining, to find the bright side, and to believe the cup is always half full. But recently, I found myself in a place I’d never been before—my endurance with negativity was fading, and I didn’t even realize it was happening. There was a moment of clarity when I asked myself, “When was the last time I woke up feeling optimistic, instead of fearful of what might happen or sad about what has already happened?” I couldn’t remember, and that’s when I knew something had to change.
In the past, when something bad happened, I would release my emotions on a timeline, change what I could control, accept what I couldn’t, and remind myself that to take care of others, I first needed to take care of myself. Sometimes that meant stepping away for a while to come back with a clearer mind. Of course, not every situation was the same, but one constant remained—I always believed there was more good than bad in the world. I believed that being genuinely happy and optimistic could inspire others to see the light, creating a ripple effect of positivity. Without fail, I always saw more light than darkness.
Lately, though, the world has shown me it's uglier side. What scared me most was feeling that darkness starting to take over. I felt like a victim to the world around me, powerless against the weight of it all.
As I’ve been observing my emotions, I find myself unable to understand why young people die, why others come close to death and are forever changed, why people get sick, why some seem to find joy in hurting others, or why so many live in fear. It was the first time in my life I felt utterly defeated, like nothing I could do would ease the pain—mine or anyone else’s. There was no justification, no perspective that could provide understanding, and no option to look away. These realities surrounded me, affecting me and the people I love so dearly. I kept thinking, “Really? Another thing?” I eventually said f*ck it, the world is just a shitty place and there is nothing I can do about it.
I know I’m not alone. So many people I’ve spoken to feel like the world has become a heavy, grim place, with little comfort to be found lately. My biggest fear is that it’s making people feel the need to be tougher, to build walls around their hearts, terrified of feeling even worse than they do now. That’s exactly where I was headed—believing that if I expected the worst, I wouldn’t be let down.
But I’m grateful to be writing this now, asking you: Please don’t build that wall. It may feel like protection, but it will only shut out the love and support you need the most. Accept words of wisdom from others. Allow yourself to receive a hug, even if you instinctively want to resist it. Talk about how you’re feeling, even if you’d rather just forget.
To everyone reading this, send a text or call someone you love to tell them just how much you do. Check in on a friend or family member going through a hard time. Ask your barista or grocery store clerk how their day is going and genuinely listen to their answer. Try to make them laugh or give them a compliment. We truly have no idea what someone else is going through, and our actions can make or break their day (and likely much more than just their day). Be the person who makes it, not breaks it. And if you’re on the other end, try to engage instead of resist.
I’ve come to accept that I have traits others don’t always understand, just as I struggle to understand certain things about others. One of those traits is my difficulty in seeing the gray area in life. I tend to see emotions as either happy or sad, angry or patient, energetic or calm. So it’s hard for me to comprehend that someone can be generally happy but still experience moments of sadness without being consumed by them.
Because of this, even though I always tell myself and others how important it is to feel your feelings, I’ve never (in my adult life) truly believed I deserved to feel sad. I’ve never allowed myself to fully go through the motions. Whenever I feel sadness, I feel guilty, anxious, even like a fraud, because I lead my life with such positivity, I should be a happy person. It seems as though I genuinely don’t know how to process certain levels of sadness or grief. I immediately try to pull myself out of it, worried I’ll get stuck there, or that my pain isn’t justified, so I never actually heal.
Let me be the one to tell you—your pain, sadness, and grief are justified, no matter what they’re about. It doesn’t matter how someone else handles their pain or what anyone else thinks about it. You should never feel guilty for feeling your emotions. If you don’t allow yourself to truly process them, you won’t heal. I have to remind myself of this every single day.
I recently started listening to the Mel Robbins podcast (highly recommend), the episode “When Nothing Seems to Be Going Your Way” really stood out to me. In it, she reminds us that it’s okay to admit life isn’t fair—in fact, it’s a reality. I’ve never allowed myself to acknowledge that sometimes, life just isn’t fair. But suppressing my feelings of sadness and disappointment only made them fester, trapping them inside me. When I finally admitted that this chapter of my life—these past few months—simply hasn’t been fair, it was like releasing a breath I didn’t realize I was holding because I simply didn't want to admit this, maybe because it would make everything going on feel more real. I was scared. It hasn’t just been unfair to me but more-so to the people I love, as if the world has been relentlessly hitting my loved ones and I with wave after wave of bad news. Then came a pivotal moment in the episode, and in my life; Mel explains that while we can’t change most of what happens in the world, we can choose how we react to it—and that’s where our power lies, and we can not let go of our power. I realized I had been feeling like a victim. I had given in, nearly giving up entirely on trying to see the good, and was so close to making it even harder to turn my perspective around. I had to come to terms with myself that moments in life are not fair, and that they will hurt and the hurt is justified, and even if there is nothing I can do to change the situation or the outcome of it, that I can choose how I react to it.
Because I have never dealt with this level of pain or uncertainty, it has been really hard to know how to navigate through life in this new way, and really challenging to accept that I am unable to change the current circumstances. However, just because bad things happen, doesn’t mean that good ones don’t. You just stop seeing them when you choose to release your power of reaction, you stop seeing them when you allow yourself to stop. Remember, as I will myself, you are not in control of certain outcomes and that is okay, certain outcomes will change your life and you will still be okay if you allow yourself to be, you can be sad and grieve and that is justified. Lastly, just because something terrible has happened and it has changed your life, and it has introduced you to a new level of fear or pain, it does not have to become or consume you. The bad isn't taking away the good, it is just casting a shadow for the time being, but it will still be there when you are ready for it. You are still allowed to go out and enjoy the good things that the world has to offer, and let the light in.
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